I'm jealous of your bromance
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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