Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
