Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
