I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
