When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
