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So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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