I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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