I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize