the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
