i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
