Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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