you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize