listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
