anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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