Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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