I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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