you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize