I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
