wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
