If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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