She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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