Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
