ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
