And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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