It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
