the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
