So drunk its hurt
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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