can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
