Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish my penis had an off switch
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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