yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
