Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
