I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
