dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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