Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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