Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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