Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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