hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
