shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
