id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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