AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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