umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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