$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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