Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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