I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
