Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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