We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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