oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Nicole vs. Life
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
