I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
