We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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