last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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