cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
