she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize