i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
