As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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