i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
