I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
