I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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