fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize