i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
