you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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