Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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