Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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