Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
