I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
