i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
