I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
