if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
