I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize